Monday, February 1, 2010

Where has the time gone?

So back in October I debated whether I should go back and try to chronicle the time I had missed while I was busy and not getting on to blog or if I should just start over.  Well, now it has been a year since a real blog post about anything new so I guess I will just start over. Which is fine, it has to be right, cause you can't go back and change it!
My second baby girl Ava was born on June 29, 2009 and it seems my world has not stopped since she has arrived.  I knew that adding a second child to our lives would be a big deal but I had no idea what to expect.  When people find out that Ava and Zoe are 18 months apart the most popular response is: "oh you must have your hands full!" or my other favorite: "you sure must be busy".  And both of those statements are more true than I would like to admit most days.  But there are things that snap you back to reality and help you realize that as busy as you are - you need to slow down and cherish every moment you have. 

Yesterday I discovered that a friend of mine from college - we played softball together one season at SSU - passed away after a very long and hard fought battle with cancer.  I have not spoken to or even seen (that I recall right now) Tina in almost 13 years.  I graduated from SSU in 1997 and have only been back twice.  And I probably saw her that first year I came back for Homecoming but other than that - haven't seen her.  Last night when I discovered that she had died and that she had been ill for quite a bit I found her Caring Bridge site and read it all.  Her sister Amy did a remarkable job updating the site from May 2009 until Friday when Tina passed.  After I finished reading through the journal that chronicled Tina's last 8-9 months I started reading through the comments that others had left - both before she passed and after.  What an impact that girl had on so many people.  I have a pretty good feeling that Tina knew how many people loved her and supported her and her family through all of this.  I was surprised last night about how affected I was by her passing when it had been so long since I had seen her or even thought about her.  I was looking through a friends pictures on FB (she had posted a bunch from school with Tina in them) and I just found myself crying uncontrollably.  I am so sad for her family and friends that were so lucky to have spent the last 13+ years enjoying her and supporting her through her battle.  I remember Tina, I remember her smile, I remember her big ponytail of curly hair, her bolt of lightening speed around the base paths and I just remember her being a really great person.  She smiled ALL OF THE TIME - she would attempt to make this face to show she was mad about something and she couldn't do it - she couldn't be grumpy or scowl ever. 
I suppose I find myself reflecting during this time of sadness, its comforting knowing that all of Tina's family and friends are together today and tomorrow to celebrate her life and to find comfort in one another.  They will laugh, cry and be with each other and tell stories and recall all of the good times and know that Tina is now in Heaven where she is free from pain and watching over all of us.  Rest in peace Tina - it was a pleasure knowing you and an honor to have been your teammate on the field! 

So, my life is busy, I work full time, I parent full time, I am a wife full time, I am a daughter full time, I am a sister full time, and from now I will count those blessings full time!  When I have stepped on what seems like the 150th lego in a half hour, I have washed the 3rd load of laundry in one night, I have changed the 4th poopy diaper of the day - I will pause and give thanks that I have the ability to experience all of these things.  I will give thanks that I am healthy, my children are healthy, my husband is healthy, my parents and in laws are healthy, my siblings (real and inlaws) are healthy, my nephews and nieces are healthy, and I will say extra prayers for those in my life that aren't healthy and hope that they will be healthy soon. 

I find myself getting caught up in what I am not able to do because I am too busy or because I have the girls.  It's an easy trap for anyone but it's days like today when I am snapped back to reality and reminded that I really do have a great life.  I have been given a great gift - I am a mother of two beautiful little girls that depend on me and even on my worst day there are many people out there that would trade with me in a blink of an eye.